When It’s Time to Get Help: How to Choose a Therapist
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Get the therapy results you want by making some wise choices
You have finally decided to go to therapy, but now you are faced with the equally difficult decision of who to trust with your personal struggles. So, as a therapist for more years that I care to count, I would like to offer you some guidance in this area.
Whether you are struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship problems, or something else, you can think about finding the right therapist as a three-step process: gaining clarity about what you want help with, finding appropriate referrals, and learning about potential therapists.
Clarify Your Therapy Goals
To get the help you need, you must first be able identify your struggles. You might ask yourself some question, such as:
What am I struggling with?
How are my struggles reflected in my emotions, thoughts, and behaviors?
What affect are they having on different parts of my life? (e.g. friendships, romantic relationships, work)
You must also know your goals for therapy. That said, you can start with the goal of gaining more clarity about your goals for yourself and for therapy. You might ask yourself questions, such as:
In what ways do I want to feel or act differently?
What changes do I want to see in my life?
How would I know when I no longer needed therapy?
It’s okay if you cannot answer all these questions. Just beginning the process of asking them can help you in taking steps toward change and in knowing what you want from therapy.
Finding an Appropriate Referral
One of the first decisions you will need to make is whether you want to meet in person or through virtual sessions. While there is accumulating evidence that teletherapy is effective, the experience is not identical. So, you need to decide which option you would prefer. (For more on this topic, check out Is Virtual Therapy as Effective as In-Person Therapy?)
Next, even before searching for a qualified therapist, you will want to consider how you will pay for therapy. This is important because therapy can be expensive and may be a lengthier process than you originally expected, especially for entrenched problems. You do not want to get started in therapy only to then realize that you can’t afford to keep going. That would be like taking a fraction of a course of an anti-biotic and hoping it’s enough to be effective.
Here are some things to keep in mind: If you have insurance and choose to use it, you may be required to use an in-network provider, which generally involves paying a set fee. By contrast, many people have out-of-network benefits which allow them to be reimbursed for treatment by any licensed provider. However, it is important to find out how much insurance will reimburse you, as this is generally a more expensive option than going to an in-network provider. In addition, you have the options of paying completely out of pocket at the full rate or of finding a therapist (or agency) that offers a sliding scale for a fee based on income.
If you are planning to go an in-network provider, then it is often easiest to begin by getting a list from your insurance of in-network therapists in your area. You can then ask your physician whether they can recommend someone on the list.
If you plan not to use insurance or to use an out-of-network therapist, your choices are not as constrained and you might search for a therapist by asking for recommendations from people you know, your physician, or your insurance company. You might also contact the American Psychological Association or your state’s psychological association for a list of qualified therapists.
Finally, you might be interested in one of the telehealth therapy platforms that have been emerging. While this can be convenient, one downside of this approach is that you often have limited information about your therapist before you sign up for treatment. Also, given that the quality of these online services varies, it is important to research your choice of platform thoroughly.
Choosing a Therapist
Because you will be talking about very personal details of your life, it is essential that you find a therapist you like, but that is not enough. You should also think about whether you believe the therapist has the capacity to help you.
Learn more about the therapist. A great way to start is to check out their website, if they have one, and talk briefly with them on the phone, which most therapists are willing to do. You might ask them questions, such as:
· Are you licensed? What is your license? (Learn more about the different kinds of therapists.)
· How long have you been practicing? Tell me about your experience as a therapist.
· If you have an area of specialty, what is it?
· After briefly explaining your situation, ask, Do you have experience treating this kind of problem? What approach do you think would be helpful in my situation? (Learn more about different kinds of therapy.)
Assess whether the therapist is a good fit for you. As you talk with the therapist, consider how well you connect with their way of thinking and their personal style. While you want a therapist with experience, you also want someone you respect and feel comfortable talking with.
Beginning Therapy
Even when you decide that a particular therapist (or two) might be a good fit, consider the first couple or few sessions as an extension of your decision-making process. As you begin to work with them, ask yourself whether you can trust and connect with the therapist. Keep in mind that even the most experienced and best therapists are not right for everyone.
After you commit, then your job is to show up fully and honestly in an attempt to make the relationship work. If something does not feel right and you have doubts about the therapy, then tell the therapist your thoughts and feelings. Working these kinds of difficulties out with the therapist is sometimes an essential part of successful treatment. If this doesn’t go well, it might be time to resume your search. Though finding a therapist who is a good fit may take more effort, the payoff can be huge.