One Simple Question Can Improve Your Relationship

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One Simple Question Can Improve Your Relationship

By Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD


Complacency is the enemy of a healthy relationship. Over time, partners often lose the urgency to express their loving feelings for each other. And too often, they lose a connection with those feelings as they focus on daily life. To help you avoid this fate, consider this one question every single day:

What can I do today to express my love to my partner?

By reflecting earnestly on this question, you can make your life and relationship happier in many ways. It can help you to:

Connect with what you love about your partner. Before you can honestly express your love, you need to feel that love. Reflect on the qualities in your partner that you find attractive, such as their looks, values, personal style, and the special quality of their laugh or smile.

Express your love. Getting in touch with your feelings of love for your partner might warm your heart, but it doesn’t necessarily do anything for your partner unless you take action. By offering a hug, genuine compassion as they share their struggles, or a material gift, you reinforce your own loving feelings and affirm your love to your partner.

Nurture a positive, loving relationship. When you make it a daily practice to express your love, you are fortifying the foundation of your relationship. This is especially effective when your partner is similarly attentive to expressing love. When life is going well, this focus makes for happy times. When one or both of you are particularly stressed, feeling loved can buoy you in those troubled waters. And when conflict arises between you, a strong loving foundation can you help you to give each other the benefit of the doubt. It can also give you the strength to work together toward reconnection, rather than succumbing to your ego’s desires to protect yourself and “win.”

In addition to a daily reflection of how you can express your love, you might want to follow up with this question: In what ways has my partner expressed their love? Look for how they express it – even if their way isn’t what you’d ideally want. Your partner offer your favorite flowers when you’d prefer he say, “I love you.” Or, she might take care of the household chores to give you more time to relax when you might prefer that she stay in bed longer, enjoying the morning together. Every couple has those kinds of mismatches. But what’s important is that you take in the message of love. If you honestly don’t feel the message is being delivered, then it’s essential that you and your partner talk about this.

Relationships grow based on how they are fed, on how partners care for each other. If you tend to your relationship with loving action, you are nurturing a healthy relationship. Absorbing your partner’s loving message also fosters positive growth. But the best place to begin is with yourself. So, the question to ask yourself right now is, What can I do today to express my love to my partner?


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