Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Once you are aware of your specific concern, ask yourself whether it is reasonable. This can sometimes be difficult to figure out. It can help to think about what your assessment of the situation would be if it were happening to someone else. Or, you might ask a trusted friend for their thoughts. Address any reasonable causes for concern directly, doing your best to work it out together.
But if the real problem is your own perceptions and fears, you’ll want to take a different approach. For instance, you may realize that your jealousy has less to do with your partner’s actions than your tendency to assume the worst. Unfortunately, just knowing this may not be enough to alleviate your insecurities.
In this situation, it’s important that you clearly acknowledge the problem is in you. Next, reassure self, “I am just worrying.” This can help to change how you process your worries. Rather than being caught up in them, you can simply observe these thoughts and relate to them as unwanted intruders in your mind. This change may enable you to let them go more easily. Then you can choose to focus your attention and energies on more positive aspects of your partner and your relationship.
You might talk with your partner about your insecurities. You can explain that you have these unwanted worries. You will probably be tempted to ask your partner for reassurance, but since the worry is irrational, any comfort this offers is likely to be short-lived. So, instead, encourage your partner to empathize with what it is like to have this unwanted insecurity. You will feel supported in your struggle and also encouraged to release yourself from this way of thinking.
The thought, “I am just worrying” is a simple, though not easy, solution. You will need to repeat it to yourself many times. But as you do, you will likely find that your anxious thoughts have a less powerful hold on you. You will feel less insecure, and even be open to more positive thoughts and secure feelings about your relationship.
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